Wisdom

This past weekend we took a trip to Arkansas for a family reunion and brought along our 6-year-old nephew, which is always good for a few laughs.

Our trip would take us though Southeast Missouri (through the boot heel), so we decided to stop in Sikeston at Lambert’s “throwed rolls” restaurant. The server took our drink order, and when she walked away, Nathaniel asked me, “Does she have an accent?” I said, “Yes, she does.” A different waitress took the food order at the table next to us, and Nathaniel said, “She’s got the SAME accent! Why does she have the same accent?” I told him it’s because they both live here in the same area. He thought about that for a few minutes, and then said, “I think I know why it took them so long to open this restaurant. It’s because they had to find a whole bunch of people with the same accent.”

After we got back on the road, we heard a shout from the far back seat in the mini-van, “HEY GUYS…. Don’t ever taste rocks! I didn’t want to taste them, but they put them in my mouth, and made me taste them, and they don’t taste good!”

Easter Dinner... Katie-style (Greek)

I really wish that Grandma Boulicault (Eva) could have been with us today. She would have been so proud. Not only did we use her soup tureen, but Queeny did the dishes.

Background: Grandma collected dishes. Dishes of all sorts. Fancy cup and saucer sets, relish dishes, toothpick holders, dinner bells, whatever caught her eye. She had more oddball items than you can imagine. When she moved from the family home (and not counting the dishes in the kitchen) she had 3 china cabinets full and the back stairwell which was never used was stacked all the way up the stairs. Before she died she gave my dad a beautiful soup tureen and covered casserole dish, a matching set, of Limoges/Haviland china. They’ve been in my parents’ china cabinet ever since.

After Grandpa died, my dad made a point to have Grandma over for dinner 2 or 3 times a week. When everyone got up from the table Mom would start washing the dishes, and Grandma would say to my mother, “Why don’t you have Queeny do it (pointing to me). She doesn’t do anything around here.”

This weekend she would have busted a couple buttons. My daughter, Katie, likes to “take things up a notch”. We’ve gotten pretty lazy over the last decade or so, using paper plates, plastic cups, plastic forks, knives, spoons, vinyl tablecloths, etc. Many times we served the food out of the pans we cooked it in. Over the last year or so, Katie’s been vamping things up a few levels. We put the vinyl tablecloths underneath to protect the table from spills, and we’re using damask tablecloths and fancy-folded napkins. A couple Christmases ago I talked Mom into letting us use the fancy drinking glasses that were on display for 40+ years.

Today we bumped it up even further. We served in courses. Soup, salad, dinner, dessert. Katie decided to make a Greek dinner for Easter. She roasted a leg of lamb, with potatoes, carrots, and celery. She made a Greek salad and spanakopita (spinach pie). When she started talking about making avgolemono (lemon chicken soup), I said, “Great! We can use Grandma Boulicault’s soup tureen!”

It’s been a long time since I washed so many dishes. The soup tureen had to be washed, since it had been in the china cabinet for over 30 years. I washed a dozen china soup bowls last night, since they’d been in the buffet for over 20 years, and a dozen salad bowls. I set the table (including soup spoons) and folded the cloth napkins like a bird-of-paradise (Katie taught me). Today I washed the 16 glasses, because they sit out all the time. All this before we ate.

Joe smoked a turkey and made three loaves of homemade bread (without a recipe). We also had mashed potatoes, fresh green beans, and Katie made 2 pies. So, add it up. After dinner I washed 10 (EACH) soup bowls, salad bowls, plates, forks, knives, spoons, soup spoons, and glasses. Add to that the serving platters, bowls, forks, spoons for each food item. Oh, and the pots, pans, lids, bowls, measuring cups, knives, strainers, spoons, cutting boards, etc. used in preparation/cooking. Whew! Too bad Grandma missed that. If I could tell her, she’d think it was an April Fool!

P. S. I didn’t say a word when they got out the disposable dessert plates. 

Live your life so the preacher won't have to lie at your funeral

Our preacher used to tell a story about a guy that nobody liked. He was mean, hateful, selfish… you name it.

There was another guy in town that never said an unkind word about anybody. Let’s call him Jim.

One day the first guy died, and a group of men were sitting around talking, whittling, etc. One by one, they took turns bad-mouthing the guy, talking about how nobody would even want to go to his funeral. Then it came around to Jim. Everybody was waiting to see what Jim would say. It got real quiet. He thought for a minute and said, “He sure could whistle.”

Arkansas!

Last weekend we went to Arkansas for a family reunion. We took along our 3-year-old nephew for entertainment. Actually, we just thought it would be fun if he got to go; and we thought his parents might enjoy a break since they had just moved and were trying to get settled. For us, it turned out to be fun and entertaining.

My brother dropped him at our house about 9:30. We loaded up his gear and went inside to get my stuff. He picked up a pair of swimming goggles and tried them on. “Cool… everything is blue. Can I borrow these?” We were in the house for about 3 minutes, in which time he borrowed a small stuffed animal and the goggles.

Grandma (my mother) rode with us, too. Our first stop, and a major priority, was for hearing aid batteries. Then we were off. Every now and then we would ask Nathaniel, “Where are we going?” and he would shout, “Arkansas!” Obviously, the irony of such enthusiasm about a trip to Arkansas was lost on him, but it made the rest of us chuckle.

Nathaniel was hungry about half an hour into the trip, but we had to drop the dog off before we could stop to eat. We asked him what he wanted to eat, and he said, “A CHEETHEBURGER!”. Mark asked if he wouldn’t rather have buzzard, and he just said, “No, I want a cheethburger… and French frieth”. Throughout the weekend whenever we were discussing where and what we would eat, the same buzzard conversation came up. Sometimes he preferred a grilled cheese sandwich … and French fries. After we dropped off the dog, we went to the Hitchin’ Post in Pilot Knob and he got his cheeseburger and fries. The smallest one they had was 1/3 pound. He ate half of it – must have been starving.

On the way into the restaurant there was a large bubble gum machine. Uncle Mark promised him he could get some on the way out if he ate good. When I heard about this, I made it very clear that there would not be a 3-year-old with a big wad of bubble gum in my car. So we agreed upon Skittles, which were to be rationed.

When we saw the “Welcome to Arkansas” sign we hooped and hollered, “Yay, we’re in Arkansas! Yay!!” Just a piece down the road (hey, I AM in Arkansas now) we stopped at the Welcome Center. We took pictures by the big rock that had “Arkansas” carved into it. The ladies inside gave Nathaniel stickers and a lapel pin, and he was in hog heaven.

There were a few phrases we heard repeatedly. “Whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH DADDY’S MAIL” and “Get it in second gear”. We didn’t ask.

On the way home as the sun was going down, Nathaniel turned to Grandma in the back seat and prepared to take her dinner order.

Nathaniel: Grandma, what would you like to drink? Would you like a Sprite?

Grandma: Yes, I’d like a Sprite.

Nathaniel: What would you like to eat, Grandma?

Grandma: I think I’d like a cheeseburger.

Nathaniel: Would you like some French fries?

Grandma: Yes. Thank you.

Nathaniel: Okay, I’ll get that ready.

Nathaniel: Aunt Denise, what would you like to drink?

Me: I’d like a Sprite.

Nathaniel: Okay, and what would you like to eat, Aunt Denise?

Me: I’d like a cheeseburger and some French fries.

Nathaniel: Okay.

Nathaniel: Uncle Mark, what would you like?

Mark: I’d like a Sprite.

Nathaniel: What would you like to eat?

Mark: What do you have?

Nathaniel: We have buzzard.

“Y'all ain't from around here, ere ye?" #1

Last weekend I traveled to Memphis for a football game and a mini-vacation. After finding our favorite barbeque spot (Nelly’s) had a 45-minute to an hour wait we decided to head in the direction of the game and return for barbeque the next day.

We hadn’t gone very far when my “Low Fuel” light came on, so I stopped at the first gas station I saw. I swiped my card at the pump and set the handle on the slowest auto-pump setting. Being a city girl and knowing I wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods, I kept looking around, checking people out, watching my back. 8 gallons… 9 gallons… What’s that guy doing by the front door of the gas station? Oh, he’s lighting his cigarette. Great. Smart guy. 17 gallons… 18 gallons… 19 gallons… then splash. Gas pours out of the tank, onto the ground. I quickly grab the handle and turn it off.

Then the genius with the cigarette calls out to me, “Hey! What you doin’?” I told him the thing didn’t shut off like it’s supposed to. He makes some comment about me wasting gas – like I did it on purpose – and starts walking toward me while he’s saying it. I said, “Don’t be coming over here with that cigarette! You shouldn’t even be smoking here.” His retort: You ain’t from around here, are ya?” I said, “No, where I come from the pumps shut off like they’re supposed to.” What I wanted to say was, “No, where I come from people are smart enough not to smoke at gas stations.” I wanted to say that, but it would have been a lie.

Elvis Is Alive Museum, Wright City, MO

The tackiest roadside attraction I've ever seen was the "Elvis Is Alive Museum" in Wright City, Missouri. One side of the building was a "greasy spoon" hamburger joint. The other half of the building, separated by an OPEN doorway, was the museum (and I use the term loosely). On display, for all the world to see, and touch, was a white outfit with rhinestones that was supposedly worn by The King.

Now, I've got to ask you, if you were in possession of anything worn by Elvis Presley would you not keep it stored in such a way that nobody could get their greasy, ketchupy, mustardy, pickled fingers on it? Not too bright, the owner. Not to mention that due to this open door policy the "Elvis outfit" resembled the topside of a range hood... or anything you have on a shelf in your kitchen that you haven't cleaned in a few years. You know what I mean? That coating of grease with dust stuck to it?

There was a section at the back of the room that was separated by a picket fence. Beyond the fence was a casket and graveyard. This area, of course, was dedicated to the oddities surrounding his un-death. Just weird.

The most interesting thing about this museum was the list of reasons they believed Elvis was not dead. I'm not kidding - they might have done something with that.

I almost forgot to mention Elvis' Cadillac that was parked out front... in the weather... year-round.

It's hard to believe this museum has closed - died, per se. But, at least, Elvis is still alive.

Long live The King!

I Survived

Monday night I watched (for the first time) a program called “I Survived”. There were three stories: a lady held hostage in a gas station for 18 hours or more, a man attacked by a mountain lion, and two ladies randomly shot while driving down the highway.

The stories were told by the survivors themselves, not a narrator. The program was compelling, but jumping from story to story was very annoying. Do they think we’ll lose interest if they tell a whole story all the way through? If that’s the case, they better do away with commercial breaks.

10 Things that chap my hide (in no particular order):

Tailgaters. Especially the ones that don’t really want to drive any faster than you. They just can’t stand it that someone is in front of them.

Butt-er-up-ers. They’re in the same category as tailgaters. They think the world revolves around them.

Service companies that tell you the repairman will be there “early tomorrow morning”, then have to admit at 1:30 in the afternoon that they really don’t have any idea when he will show up.

Neighbors that mow their grass at 6:30 on Saturday mornings (when they’re retired and could do it anytime), but yell at your kids for making a little noise in the afternoon.

Telemarketers that act like you’re their long-lost buddy. They ask how I’m doing, how’s the weather, make small talk… and just when I think they’re going to ask “how’s the family?” or “how’s your mother?”, they’ll ask for my boss (by his first name, of course). When I tell them he’s not in, click.

Companies that change the amount of ingredients in a package rather than charging the extra twelve cents they need to keep up with their rising costs. For instance, flour that comes in a 4-1/2 pound bag, coconut that comes in 14 oz. packages instead of 16 oz., evaporated milk in a 12 oz. can when it used to be 13-1/2 oz. Don’t they know we all have recipes that are based on using the original amounts?

AFLAC sales reps that won’t tell you they’re with AFLAC until you squeeze it out of them. “What company are you with?” I’m with “American Family Life Assurance Co.” Sounds like American Family to most people – all your family’s protection under one roof. That’s the part they want you to hear, because they emphasize “American Family” and almost whisper the rest.

Sales people that won’t take a polite “no” for an answer (see above), especially the ones that insult your intelligence for not wanting their product or service. “Wouldn’t you like to save money?” No, I prefer to waste money and overspend whenever possible.

People that use the last of the toilet tissue and don’t replace it with a new roll.

Neighbors that let their dogs out at 6:15 every morning and let them bark incessantly for an hour or so.

Duly Chastised

Okay, I have been properly admonished for my failure to write anything in so long. I have a long list of excuses, but it basically boils down to one of those “the dog ate my homework” things.

The Moment of Truth

Last night, for the first time, I watched the new Fox tv show called The Moment of Truth. This is a game show where the contestant’s very life is on the line. Not his physical life, but his life as he knows it.

He is connected to a lie detector with his family a few feet across from him, face to face, while the host asks the most personal and embarrassing questions possible. For instance (from last night’s episode), Do you think your father worked hard enough to support your family?, Is your wife the most attractive woman you have ever dated?, Have you ever slept with any of your wife’s sisters?, Have you ever slept with any of your friend’s wives?

After each answer the lie detector announces if his answer was true or false. As long as the contestant continues to tell the truth, he continues to win money. Also after each question, the host pries and prods at the contestant and family members to elaborate or give up more dirt. While tears are running down their faces and these heartbroken people are holding each other’s hands and consoling each other, he asks, Did you know about this? Do you want to talk about it?

Is this supposed to be a softer, gentler game-show version of the Jerry Springer Show where the object of the game is to destroy an otherwise normal family rather than the trailer-trash people?

Perhaps along with the prize money they should offer free counseling for the entire family and divorce lawyer referrals.

Merry Christmas at Target

I usually avoid the stores during the weekend after Thanksgiving, so I missed the fanfare.

But late Sunday evening I went to Target to pick up a few items, got my cart, turned down the main aisle, and could not believe my eyes. From the ceiling hangs a large banner proclaiming, "Merry Christmas!".

I guess they're finally figuring out that Christmas shoppers are buying Christmas presents, Christmas trees, Christmas ornaments, Christmas candy, etc. These shoppers just might be celebrating Christmas.

The corporate world may never understand - why would Christians be offended if they try to turn Christmas into a generic holiday and lump it in with Chanukah and Kwanzaa? But alas, they understand the “almighty dollar” and will celebrate our spending it in their stores. Whatever their reasons….

Thank you, Target, and I’m telling all my Christian friends that you have seen the error of your ways. Hopefully, other stores will get with the program.

I don't want to rush anything, but it sure would be nice to find an outdoor nativity set at a Target price. There are igloos, penguins, deer, bears, trees, presents, trains, drums, candy canes - everything except a nativity set.

Guido's Restaurant, St. Louis, "The Hill"

This family-owned-and-operated restaurant combines Italian and Spanish cuisines. They offer a nice variety of entrees including steaks, chicken, fish, pastas, tapas, sandwiches, and pizza. Sangria by the glass or by the pitcher!

The house salad dressing is an olive oil base, not sweet, but not vinegary - warm and light. The Caesar salad is also a good choice. And you can't go wrong with the cheese-garlic bread.

I usually order pasta, and I've found the sauces to be rich and well-seasoned, and the pasta cooked properly - not mushy.

There's something on the menu for everybody, and the prices are very reasonable. Casual fine dining with a family atmosphere.

Mound City Nut Company

This little shop in University City is on Olive, just east of Hanley. I'd driven past it a hundred times, but today was my first time to stop and check it out. My mother wanted pecans and walnuts for her holiday baking, and anything I can do to help that process along... well, let's just say it's a priority.

They're more expensive than the grocery store, but you know what they say, sometimes you get what you pay for.

They have a wide variety of nuts, candies, and gift packages. There are also chocolate goodies behind the counter that you can purchase by the pound. Chocolate covered apricots (which we were given a sample of), nut clusters, and Heavenly Hash (didn't think anybody made that anymore). On top of the counter was a very impressive milk chocolate bar weighing in at ten pounds. That could be a very wise $85 investment, don't you think?

One year to go

There's still a year's worth of presidential politics in front of us - followed by about 3 more months of political analysis. Can't wait till it's over. More than that - can't wait till we're done with Bush & Cheney. January 20, 2009 - Oh happy day!

I watched the Democrats debate last night, if you can call it that. The moderator, Wolf Blitzer, didn't seem to have much control. The candidates ignored the time limits placed on them. The Hillary supporters booed anyone that criticized her, as if it were on cue. There really wasn't much substance to the questions or answers.

It seems as if the media is determined to shove Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama down our throats. The questions given to Hillary seemed geared toward helping her clean up her image that was damaged in the last debate and clarify statements she had made to the media and in speeches. When asked if she was "playing the gender card" she said "No," then went on to tell how proud she is to have a chance at the presidency as a woman, and about an elderly lady that said women couldn't vote when she was young and she hoped to live long enough to see a woman president. If that's not playing the gender card, what is?

While Hillary's answers were pretty vague, Obama was a real disappointment. He got a decent amount of air time, but for the life of me, I can't tell you anything that he said. Richardson was unimpressive all around. Kucinich, unfortunately, comes across as a nerd on television, and we all know you can't be president if you don't look good on t.v. Biden and Dodd have the most experience with foreign relations, but the press isn't giving them any attention. (It's all about Hillary and Obama.) Edwards was well-prepared, seemed well-informed, clearly expressed his opinions on the issues, and had the strongest presence.

Biden, Dodd, and Edwards are the best qualified to be president, but the press finds it more important that a woman and a black man are running. Is this novelty really more important than covering all the candidates and letting the PEOPLE decide?

I'm Stuck

I feel like I'm back in high school sitting in English class with a brain freeze.

Teacher: Write a story.

Me (with hand raised): On what subject?

Teacher: Anything you want.

Me (with hand raised): Like what? I don't know what to write about.

Teacher: Something you feel strongly about - any subject you like.

I would stare at the wall or out the window until class was over - much like I've done tonight.